Passion. Yes, again.

I know that everybody has heard, read and seen so much of it lately that people are getting sick of the topic. But I just want to say a few words about the movie and what it did for my heart.

I went to see it on Wednesday, almost accidentally because I was not planning on doing so any time soon. I'm glad I did though, because it was not ruined for me with all the reviews, opinions and comments. Yeah, I have to say that I didn't enjoy it whatsoever and was ready to walk out about 30 minutes into the movie. To my disappointment (or luck) I was sitting in the middle of the row and was unable to get out.

I was not at all ready to see what I saw. Having an overly emotional week in general, I ended up bawling and convulsing for the first half of the movie and was able to pull myself together (if you can call it that) only for the end. But the point is that it definitely hit home, at least for me. Like most RUC students I knew the story, could recite it in my sleep and was not expecting to see anything new, but another "Jesus" movie. When we hear the story, it is told with such ease: "after being beaten, and spit on and humiliated, Jesus took up the cross and went to Calvary, where He was crucified to pay the price for our sins... blah, blah..." And with the same ease it is received. But as a product of our very visually stimulated culture, I don't think I could ever really picture it. And the Passion pictured it for me, and did so almost too well. Truly, a picture tells a thousand words."The blood spilled and the body broken for my sin" has a whole new meaning for me now. Would I be able to endure for Him 1/10 of what He endured for me? The answer to that question makes me miserable. My pride makes me upset and angry when people throw a sarcastic comment my way. At what point would I have given up? Sooner then I am even able to admit. Will I ever love some one half as much as He loves me?

I know that some people are not impressed with the movie and criticize it for this and that. And it does have its better moments, as well as the not-so-good ones. But for me it made a difference. I was touched much deeper than I can express and it made me fall on my knees at His throne. Again, but as for the very first time. Watching somebody going through such an agony so I wouldn't have to and realizing how often I completely ignore that person and play the game by my own rules was very painful, but necessary where I was at.

But my Redeemer LIVES!!! I cannot describe how much the meaning of these words changed for me on that Wednesday night. Singing that song at Friday's HotSpot was a whole new experience. He endured. He LIVES and I live in Him. With my broken heart, my sin, my weakness. By the grace and love that I will never be able to grasp. I LIVE IN HIM!